Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

Sometimes I forget how smart and capable I really am I let what others say sway me from believing what I know is the actual truth I sometimes joke in an attempt to hide all these feelings that I keep locked inside knowing those not like me can never understand Sometimes I forget I am destined to do more I give in to the desire to just give up I forget how strong I really am that I am not weak and my Narcolepsy is not all that I am and that every hour I continue to fight I gain more power to overcome any plight that the devil may see fit to throw my way Sometimes I forget it doesn't matter what others say they don't walk the paths that I walk each day after day They will never know never understand what it is to be me I forget that their words shouldn't hurt because they aren't worth the value of dirt Sometimes I forget there is a fighter in me I forget how far I have come to get closer to the place I want to be I forget that no matter how tired I get or how much I fe

I write because sometimes we all forget that there are others who go through the same things. Sometimes we can alienate ourselves thinking there is no-one who can relate, no-one who can understand. It is easy to shut everyone out to avoid disappointment. I write to share to remind us that there is always someone who cares. We are never alone in our endeavors no matter how alone it may seem we are. There is always someone who has gone through, is going through, or will go through. God has his little reminders and I like to think that I am one of them, that there is always hope and always someone who can relate and there are always angels watching over us.

How blessed I am though I sometimes forget my way and sometimes I forget how to pray but through it all He continuously shows me grace How blessed I am to be me Blessed by the faults that enhance my abilities Every foible every flaw every imperfection contributes to all my strength, my determination,  my me They contribute to who I aspire to be I am blessed by my ability to learn my desire to grow and refusal to run away from those things I most fear and the determination to not let those fears manifest into my reality How blessed I am that God gave me a desire to fight to continue to strive to achieve higher and to do what is right in spite of the fact it doesn't conform to the popular agenda But with the resistance to conform I evolve drawing closer to the destiny set forth for me to fulfill embracing life's lessons and all of God's blessings How blessed I am to be me created by God's loving hands in His image this entity that is me

I must be optimistic to carry me through the pain This burden I carry is mine and mine alone I have to look for the bright side to keep the darkness from swallowing me whole There is no other option no other solution It is the only way to keep my soul from going so cold There is a cross I have to bear It is a cross I carry alone With it comes a fear that there will never be understanding so it is a cross I will forever carry on my own So I look for every little blessing in every day searching frantically through this haze that is my existence, my being it is my life No-one really knows who I am because with this cross there comes a shame of how I have to struggle to remain sane It is my eternal battle to forever carry while on this earth So each day I look for a reason as to why I must go through this endless season find the positive, the gift in this chronic haze in which I live I search for the blessings and take with me the lessons in the messages in my head that I constantly hear I

I slipped into a place where I said I would never again go I slipped with the one who I so long ago came to know I went to that place to find comfort in his arms with the one whose come to know me and accepts me in spite of all of my flaws I slipped with the one who says no labels even after eight years of back and forth and I know I need to turn these tables cut my losses take a stand for what I am worth There is no quarter way, no half way, no compromise I will not settle not even just a little If you can't go the full distance with me what makes you think you deserve the prize So I slipped but I will get back up even stronger in my gait cause in the distance at the finish is someone spectacular waiting for me lying await.