Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

Can you see what lies beyond Enamored by an aesthetic vision Are you able to breathe in all of the colors that make her not just pretty, but perfectly blend to make her an imperfect masterpiece She is one of many colors She is the color of strength, resiliency, and determination She is the color of passion, compassion, empathy, and understanding She wears her colors proudly, but do you really see them because she will only acknowledge those with the willingness to acknowledge the beauty that lies beyond

I would like to think that I have a very good sense of humor. I would like to think I am not overly sensitive,but sometimes I wish people would be more careful with their statements. People love to make snide comments about people who take the bus, people who are in housing, people who are homeless, people who are jobless, etc, like it makes them lowly. I have been through all of these and I am struggling just to finish out the next year, before I stop working again. Almost everyone who knows me knows I have been through battles. Most know I spent a brief stint in the psychiatric ward after attempting suicide. I let others views and standards let me get to a point where I felt worthless, like I was burdensome and it broke me. Almost everyone who knows me knows that I have been homeless, sleeping out in the Haven for Hope courtyard with drug addicts and ex cons. I have learned to refuse to be ashamed of anything I  have gone through because I know most people that talk shit, could never

I don't know how many times I have had this conversation. Yes, I can push myself to try to be productive for a bit, but there are sooooo many things that people do everyday without thinking about, that put me in a bad place. Some days, I can't wash dishes without using a chair. Most days, I am late for work because no matter how early I force myself to wake up, it still might be two hours before I can really force myself to move. Making a trip to HEB can drain me for the rest of the day. I have to choose my tasks wisely, and I won't lie, my apartment isn't all spotless. It can take me several weeks to finish putting up my laundry. I barely cook anymore because it is just too much on my body. But know this; I am by far from lazy. People like me aren't lazy. It takes a strength and a determination to push through that most people will never understand. I get that. But for those like me, those pushing through, know that you are amazing. You are strong. You are worthy.