Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

I would like to think that I have a very good sense of humor. I would like to think I am not overly sensitive,but sometimes I wish people would be more careful with their statements. People love to make snide comments about people who take the bus, people who are in housing, people who are homeless, people who are jobless, etc, like it makes them lowly. I have been through all of these and I am struggling just to finish out the next year, before I stop working again. Almost everyone who knows me knows I have been through battles. Most know I spent a brief stint in the psychiatric ward after attempting suicide. I let others views and standards let me get to a point where I felt worthless, like I was burdensome and it broke me. Almost everyone who knows me knows that I have been homeless, sleeping out in the Haven for Hope courtyard with drug addicts and ex cons. I have learned to refuse to be ashamed of anything I  have gone through because I know most people that talk shit, could n...

I don't know how many times I have had this conversation. Yes, I can push myself to try to be productive for a bit, but there are sooooo many things that people do everyday without thinking about, that put me in a bad place. Some days, I can't wash dishes without using a chair. Most days, I am late for work because no matter how early I force myself to wake up, it still might be two hours before I can really force myself to move. Making a trip to HEB can drain me for the rest of the day. I have to choose my tasks wisely, and I won't lie, my apartment isn't all spotless. It can take me several weeks to finish putting up my laundry. I barely cook anymore because it is just too much on my body. But know this; I am by far from lazy. People like me aren't lazy. It takes a strength and a determination to push through that most people will never understand. I get that. But for those like me, those pushing through, know that you are amazing. You are strong. You are worthy. ...

Cataplexy, it is quite the unique condition. It manifest itself in different ways for different people. For some it lasts seconds, with almost complete paralysis. For some it can go for upward of an hour. The latter dedcribes mine. For most attacks are triggered by emotions. For others, they can just come out of the blue. Again, the latter would be me. Most would call my attacks atypical. Either way, no matter how they manifest for different individuals, it is quite debilitating. While I can't speak for other people with Narcolepsy, I can attempt to give some insight on what it is like for me. When a Cataplexy Attack occurs, you are essentially losing muscle control. You have no say so whatsoever over your bodies actions. I mentioned earlier, for some it is complete paralysis. Mine have been called mild because I do have some control. I know when they are coming and I can lay or sit down to keep from falling. Now while some say mild, there is nothing mild about how horrible my body...

Narcolepsy is such an unpredictable illness, in that you never know what symptoms will pop up when. While EDS is a constant, you just never know when a hallucination might strike. For some, exploding head syndrome can hit at a moment's notice. Cataplexy, well that is just a whole other ballgame. You also have the ever scary sleep paralysis. While sleep paralysis is not exclusive to Narcolepsy, it is likely to be much more common if you have Narcolepsy. With that being the case, a PWN (person with Narcolepsy) is much more likely to have heard many of the ridiculous theories associated with sleep paralysis. I myself have heard, "Just pray about it." or things like you need to block those evil spirits. It is amazing that so many people don't realize that there is a perfectly valid, physiological reason people suffer from sleep paralysis. Here is a simple explanation of sleep paralysis. During the process of falling asleep, or waking up one of the sleep cycles your b...

I wonder how many of my friends shared, contributed to, or participated in the ice bucket challenge when the probably don't even know anyone with ALS,  but haven't taken a few minutes to even look at the Narcolepsy petition. I suppose I need to have some celebrity pushing it, or some half naked men and women promoting it to get people's attention.  I guess it isn't a legitimate enough cause because there isn't some star athlete saying he has it, or knows someone with it. Maybe most people just don't really believe it is a serious  or debilitating illness and I am pushing the issue because, well, I have nothing better to do with my damned time. Maybe the veteran's who have been dismissed without benefits,  the families who have lost careers and homes, the mother's and fathers who have lost families over this don't warrant the same compassion because Narcolepsy is just that disease that makes you sleep, instead of a neurological condition /autoimmune d...

Today, I decided would be one of my productive days. It was, for an hour or two. I cleaned my dishes, organized my pantry, and straightened up my room a bit. It was going to be a good day, and then, I got my reminder. The evil little minions began squeezing my brain. The foundation that should support my body, like the Corinthian Columns at The New York Stock Exchange Building began to feel as undubstantial as a bowl of melting jello. So, I just let go and dropped. This is my life with Cataplexy. It can be once a day. It can three to four times a day. Sometimes, it can be more. For me, it doesn't last a few seconds. It csn last fifteen minutes. It can last thirty to forty minutes. It can last over an hour. Sometimes, I think I may spend more than  90% of my day feeling like this. It doesn't stop when you sit. It doesn't stop when you lay down. You can't control it. All you can do is just wait, and wish, and pray that it ends soon. It is not a peaceful feeling. It is no...