Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

My child has slept all day. This isn't the first, second or even the umpteenth time. I hope and pray with everything in me she doesn't have Narcolepsy. I hope and pray with everything in me she doesn't have to go through even a fraction of what I have had to. All I know is, I am going to be there for her if it turns out she does. I will do everything in my power to make sure she knows she isn't less than. I will do everything in my power to make sure that the stigmas, the fallacies, the stereotyping the judgements that people make are flaws on them and not on her. I would never wish this illness on anyone, not even my worst enemy, and I truly hope this is just paranoia on my part. If it isn't though, I am going to make sure I am there for because I know what it was like having noone there for me and having noone who even seemed to want to try to understand how much this illness takes away and knowing that it is something I will have to deal with for as long as I wal...

Joe Biden may not be your first, second, or even third choice. He is flawed. He has pushed through flawed, and I will say harmful policies.  He is, however, not a mentally unstable, mentally underdeveloped, narcissistic, egomaniacal wannabe dictator who will try to single handedly try to dismantle the judicial system, destroy every avenue of free speech that we have, unabashedly incite dangerous, murderous, behavior, disregard hundreds of thousands of human lives for economic gain, and pretty much bring about damage to this country that will probably take decades to recover from. So if we end up with Trump for another four years because POC choose not to vote, or choose to hold their votes hostages, then you will have gotten the president that you deserve and have no right to complain.

My child has slept all day. This isn't the first, second or even the umpteenth time. I hope and pray with everything in me she doesn't have Narcolepsy. I hope and pray with everything in me she doesn't have to go through even a fraction of what I have had to. All I know is, I am going to be there for her if it turns out she does. I will do everything in my power to make sure she knows she isn't less than. I will do everything in my power to make sure that the stigmas, the fallacies, the stereotyping the judgements that people make are flaws on them and not on her. I would never wish this illness on anyone, not even my worst enemy, and I truly hope this is just paranoia on my part. If it isn't though, I am going to make sure I am there for because I know what it was like having noone there for me and having noone who even seemed to want to try to understand how much this illness takes away and knowing that it is something I will have to deal with for as long as I wal...

Cataplexy, it is quite the unique condition. It manifest itself in different ways for different people. For some it lasts seconds, with almost complete paralysis. For some it can go for upward of an hour. The latter dedcribes mine. For most attacks are triggered by emotions. For others, they can just come out of the blue. Again, the latter would be me. Most would call my attacks atypical. Either way, no matter how they manifest for different individuals, it is quite debilitating. While I can't speak for other people with Narcolepsy, I can attempt to give some insight on what it is like for me. When a Cataplexy Attack occurs, you are essentially losing muscle control. You have no say so whatsoever over your bodies actions. I mentioned earlier, for some it is complete paralysis. Mine have been called mild because I do have some control. I know when they are coming and I can lay or sit down to keep from falling. Now while some say mild, there is nothing mild about how horrible my body...

I will admit that sometimes I let people get in my head. Sometimes I do it to myself. I feel guilty. I feel like maybe I didn't try hard enough, or maybe I am just not strong enough. I let those little voices get to me, the ones that say maybe you should do this or maybe you should try that. I won't lie and say it  doesn't make me feel self conscious. Today I was forced to remember what it was like before I stopped working fulltime. I was remindedhow it feels to jist hope you make it through the day without wanting to just drop to the ground. I was reminded what it feels like to not know if you will make that walk to the bus stop. I remembered what it feels like to be layed out on the ground in the front yard of some stranger, or if I am lucky enough to find some alley near enough that I can get out of plain sight. I remembered every humiliating moment someone laughed or said something catty when I had am attack. I also remembered that after all of yhis I have kept going an...

5 years ago I was struggling with my health and emotional well being.  I was fighting doctors to convince them something was wrong. My manager was fighting her boss to keep me from being fired. Every morning I woke up thinking there was no way I could make it through another day. Somehow,  some way,  I always managed to find it in me to make it through. I would tell myself: "Only two more days until you're off." "Only one month before the next holiday." "Only 85 days until you can take vacation." "Only two hours until lunch." I think you get the point. For years,  no decades,  I thought maybe it is anemia, maybe it is thyroids, maybe I am low on sugar. I went through test after test. I was told I was just depressed. I began to feel like I would never get any answers, but still I persisted. I did my own research. I eventually concluded that I might have Narcolepsy, although all of my symptoms did not match the text book definition. I joined a...

Some may not like what I am about to say in this post,  but I am going to say it anyway. There is a lot wrong with the world.  One of those things is racism. It is an ugly cancer that needs to be fought vigorously. We also need to hold ourselves accountable for some things.  For generations we were dehumanized,  told we were less than and to this day,  those indoctrinations are still evident. So  while we are placing so much light on those who only wish us harm,  what are we doing to shine light on ways to improve the futures of our children? Even if we could eliminate racism altogether, there isn't much greater benefit if we aren't focusing on ways to elevate ourselves,  ways to lift all of our sisters and brothers out of emotional and economic oppression. Don't place so much focus on the one,  most obvious evil,  that we just turn a blind eye to the other evils that plague us.