This morning I saw a lady with a scooter and a lot and oh bags sleeping at the bus stop. It made me really emotional and I started reflecting. The end of the year is definitely not favorite time of year, even with my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. In September 2013, I was finally diagnosed with Narcolepsy after years of trying to find answers and fighting to keep a job. It was also the time I was told by my doctor that with the severity of my symptoms, I would probably never be able to hold a job full-time. Up until that time I still has hope that once I knew what was wrong with me, it could be fixed.
By the next year, November 2014, I had been combination of meds  and my depression had reached its darkest levels. I couldn't keep a job. I felt like a failure as a parent. I just didn't want to be here anymore. After a few days of being intubated in ICU after an overdose, I voluntarily committed myself where I spent a week in the psych ward. Honestly, the experience was really good for me. Being around other people like me made me feel much less vulnerable an not so useless.
Then, in December 2014, I lost my mother. She was the only person in this world that I truly knew I could depend on. She was the most giving person that I have ever, and probably will ever know.
2015, I was still really struggling to try to work. I was working the clubs on weekend with a part-time job during the week. I think I had been denied disabily twice and had just been denied in my first of three hearings. I couldn't pay my bills and by August, I was that homeless lady. I was blessed enough that I had someplace to send my daughters and my granddaughter to. There were a few nights that I was on that bench or looking for some out of the way place to seek shelter, that wasn't out in the open. I eventually went to Haven, which I wasn't a whole lot better. My first week there one of the guys took me under his wing. I remember being told what people to avoid, because they would have me on some motel room trying to pimp me to the highest bidder. Some things were in storage, but I had my little backpack with at least a week work of clothes. One day soon , I will get to work on that book. The stories I have to tell......The one person who I spent the most time with just left me there, so my trust issues took an even bigger nose dive. "Sure, I was sleeping outside in a courtyard with drug addicts and people just released from jail, but hey."
But fortunately, through everything, the one thing noone can ever say about me is that I am not resilient af. My persistence and resourcefulness is what got me my diagnosis. My determination is what got me out of that courtyard. My refusal to give up, when Social Security kept saying no is what finally got my approval for disability and other than my online support group, I had no support system.
In spite of everything, I am not going to complain because I have so much more to be grateful. I have been caught up, so I kind of abandoned the need to do more work with the homeless. I am going to try to restart that soon. I have just four months left on my contract with AACOG. When that is up, I am recommitting to that along with Narcolepsy Awareness.
There are a lot of people out there who are like me. They are no less deserving of the blessings that so many of you take for granted everyday. There are so many people who are struggling, and it isn't because of laziness, or lack of desire or initiative. A lot of people in the courtyard would be up at 4, 5, or 6 in the morning, get their sack lunches and be off to work.
I don't knock anyone the fruits of their labor. You work hard; you should enjoy your life. I just hope that you aren't looking down on others because they don't place as much value on a lot of the superficial stuff. Enjoy what you have, but don't forget to be humble.
I am grateful now, because I do believe I have at least several friends who would never let me go through any of what I have gone through again. And I hope they all know how thankful I am. ❤️❤️❤️❤️You all, along with my children and grandchildren are my heart, my soul, and a big part of my being.

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