0812

With the news of the passing of Robin Williams comes a ubiquitous irony for me as I struggle with my own demons. While I know in my head it is sad, I also understand all too well the why and how. It has only been a few days since I took the LOA paperwork from my manager for my trip, for lack of a better word. Don't misunderstood. I feel deeply for his family and friends and their loss. Somewhere along the way, however, I lost that ability to be, as people say, "thankful to have awakened in the morning." I laugh at that because Heaven and eternity in peace with our Lord Saviour is supposed to be the ultimate reward. If that is the case, what is so great about waking up another day. Let's face it; this world is full of cruel, ugly, uncaring, insensitive, selfish people. I see little beauty and little hope left. I watched a show the other day and although it is fictional, one saying stuck with me. "God doesn't want us to be happy. He wants us to be strong." I have to wonder if that isn't true. Maybe this is the very messed up part of my brain affected by the Narcolepsy. I don't know. I have to wonder how I am to keep fighting something that, by technicality, is a part of my physiological makeup. In all honesty, I only fight now because of my babies.
I would pray but I am all prayed out for myself. Maybe there is a little fight left, but I don't have the desire to dig for it. I have to take care of my children though, first and foremost, so I guess I just see how it plays out.

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