Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

5 years ago I was struggling with my health and emotional well being.  I was fighting doctors to convince them something was wrong. My manager was fighting her boss to keep me from being fired. Every morning I woke up thinking there was no way I could make it through another day. Somehow,  some way,  I always managed to find it in me to make it through. I would tell myself: "Only two more days until you're off." "Only one month before the next holiday." "Only 85 days until you can take vacation." "Only two hours until lunch." I think you get the point. For years,  no decades,  I thought maybe it is anemia, maybe it is thyroids, maybe I am low on sugar. I went through test after test. I was told I was just depressed. I began to feel like I would never get any answers, but still I persisted. I did my own research. I eventually concluded that I might have Narcolepsy, although all of my symptoms did not match the text book definition. I joined a

Some may not like what I am about to say in this post,  but I am going to say it anyway. There is a lot wrong with the world.  One of those things is racism. It is an ugly cancer that needs to be fought vigorously. We also need to hold ourselves accountable for some things.  For generations we were dehumanized,  told we were less than and to this day,  those indoctrinations are still evident. So  while we are placing so much light on those who only wish us harm,  what are we doing to shine light on ways to improve the futures of our children? Even if we could eliminate racism altogether, there isn't much greater benefit if we aren't focusing on ways to elevate ourselves,  ways to lift all of our sisters and brothers out of emotional and economic oppression. Don't place so much focus on the one,  most obvious evil,  that we just turn a blind eye to the other evils that plague us.

I have seem a whole lot of comments about the black girl who claims to be Caucasian. Sadly, many of those comments are focusing on this child's looks, rather than her obviously damaged mental state. This young lady is obviously already filled with self hate and with the fact that this scenario has gone viral, I am sure she will see more than a few of them. When we come across people like this who are obviously lacking self love, shouldn't we be sending encouraging words to help them learn how to love and appreciate themselves and all their physical qualities? Maybe I just think differently. There are a lot of evil, mean spirited people out there who are intentionally that way. They get no pass. This child seems to be just lost, and yes, delusional. It isn't the same. She needs help, and I think Dr. Phil was the wrong outlet to turn to. I also wish people would stop focusing on her teeth. I know a few beautiful black sisters and brothers with gaps and I think those gaps add

Some of you out there don't realize how divided our country really is. You think that if we discuss race relations, we are further dividing our country. News flash, this country can't get much more divided than it already is. Just because something is not your reality doesn't mean it isn't a reality, so stop insisting these issues are not still prevelant. That would be like healthy people insisting chronic illnesses aren't real, or are exaggerated just because it is not a part of their life experience. The KKK still exists. Racists still hold prominent positions in our government. White Supremacists do join the police force. Whypipo are still scared of POC simply because of the color of their skin or their religious beliefs. Non POC do call the police on POC just because they can. AND YES, White👏 Privilege 👏Does👏Exist👏. Again,just because it isn't your reality doesn't mean it isn't a reality.

It would be a lie to say I don't have insecurities. We all have insecurities, if we are normal. I have never been insecure about who I am because of my darker complexion though. As a child, I never wished I was white. I never even wished to be light skinned. Growing up, I knew that lighter skin was the standard of beauty. All the women on the magazines, all the love interests in the movies and videos were light skinned or racially ambiguous. I knew that even though we weren't being portrayed in the media, unless you count prostitutes, drug lord's mistresses etc., they were out there. I just perceived it as ignorance on the part of the world not to acknowledge us. Yes, even as a child I was a deep thinker. I remember pondering existentialism as early as elementary school. Of course I didn't know it was called existentialism at that time. I digress though. My dark skin is part of what makes me who I am. My dark skin is part of what has helped to mold me. Have I been told