Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

I don't need saving. I may be struggling, but what I get, I get on my own. I don't need to be taken care of, or rescued. I am not to pretty to be hustling. What qualifies as too pretty anyway? Everyone has trials. This is one if mine. I will get through it, and I will be a better, stronger person because of it. Don't belittle me by treating me like some fragile little child. Give me credit for being the strong woman I am, the fighter that I am, the resilient, resourceful woman that I am who does what she needs to in order to get things done. I don't need to be saved. I am not Cinderella. I don't need to be rescued. I just need to be understood and supported.

I am black. I am a woman. I believe in supporting my community, when possible.  I believe in supporting our budinesses, our movies, etc. With that being said, I think it is unfair to call some sheep, or unaware because they may not be as emphatic about supporting Birth of a Nation. Yes, Nate Parker was acquitted. No, I don't know what actually happened. I do know that there are still questions, and that sn acquittal does not always mean innocece, just as a conviction does not always mean guilt. We leave in a culture where rape can be deemed more acceptable than smoking weed. There are far too many women who have suffered at the hands of sexual abusers. There are far too many black women who have been victims of sexual abuse many times over, oftentimes before hitting puberty. If you haven't survived it, you shouldn't dare to presume to know the conflict in conscience that some, especially black women, might have over whether or not ti support this movie. Don't you dare t...

He is dark. He knows exactly what words will cut to the soul. He can be downright sadistic at times. He also has the spirit and soul of a poet. When you think he must have a heart as black as the still buried coal hidden in the crevices of some forgotten mine, the guard comes down and you see that there is some light shining through the cracks of that hear of coal. He is exasperating, and endearing, at the same time. He is who God created him to be, who years of life's varying experiences have molded him to be and I don't think I would change a single thing about him.

Medications don't work for me. There is no moment of reprieve No intermittent sighs of relief Rarely are their brief windows of clarity My search for relief has become more of a dream never realized This journey has become more of an impossible struggle to find an elusive treasure from some fairytale I was once told but have come to realize was one elaborate lie My doubts, my fears, so many times overshadow my hopes and my faith The confidence that I once held onto so dearly has ever so subtly begun to dissipate

Some of you are probably sick of hearing me speak on this, and I would apologize accept for the fact that I am not sorry. We all have causes that are important to us. This is mine, and I am not going to let my only show of support be a black ribbon for Narcolepsy or a pic of me stating Narcolepsy Not Alone. I put a lot out here and it isn't for sympathy. I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me because God has got me. There are people like me, who need help. Narcolepsy is so much more than a sleep disorder. It affects cognitive skills, muscoskeletal functioning, metabolism, as well as other neurological functioning. I have lost family, friends, jobs,  homes and any ability to live a normal life. I never thought I would end up in a homeless shelter, but I did and it was other Narcoleptics who helped me, people who are also in fear of losing everything they have. The numbers just keep increasing. No one questions Parkinson's, or Dimentia. You say Narcolepsy, and it's, ...

I wonder how many of my friends shared, contributed to, or participated in the ice bucket challenge when the probably don't even know anyone with ALS,  but haven't taken a few minutes to even look at the Narcolepsy petition. I suppose I need to have some celebrity pushing it, or some half naked men and women promoting it to get people's attention.  I guess it isn't a legitimate enough cause because there isn't some star athlete saying he has it, or knows someone with it. Maybe most people just don't really believe it is a serious  or debilitating illness and I am pushing the issue because, well, I have nothing better to do with my damned time. Maybe the veteran's who have been dismissed without benefits,  the families who have lost careers and homes, the mother's and fathers who have lost families over this don't warrant the same compassion because Narcolepsy is just that disease that makes you sleep, instead of a neurological condition /autoimmune d...

Recently, I received a promotional copy of The Subtle Beauty. It is a retelling of an old classic, Beauty and the Beast. At the beginning, I found it a bit hard to relate to the characters, due to the usual contrived nature of the characters descriptions of blonde hair, blue eyes representing the epitome of beauty, I did find myself more engaged by the end if the story. The author managed to add a creative twist, and before the ending, I did find myself rooting for the heroine in the story. It is an engaging tale, and I am glad I took the time to stick with this tale to the end.

Today, I decided would be one of my productive days. It was, for an hour or two. I cleaned my dishes, organized my pantry, and straightened up my room a bit. It was going to be a good day, and then, I got my reminder. The evil little minions began squeezing my brain. The foundation that should support my body, like the Corinthian Columns at The New York Stock Exchange Building began to feel as undubstantial as a bowl of melting jello. So, I just let go and dropped. This is my life with Cataplexy. It can be once a day. It can three to four times a day. Sometimes, it can be more. For me, it doesn't last a few seconds. It csn last fifteen minutes. It can last thirty to forty minutes. It can last over an hour. Sometimes, I think I may spend more than  90% of my day feeling like this. It doesn't stop when you sit. It doesn't stop when you lay down. You can't control it. All you can do is just wait, and wish, and pray that it ends soon. It is not a peaceful feeling. It is no...

I am a word nerd. Spoken, and written language are not just ways of communication. They are an art form. It us through the use of language that we learn of, and from our past. We use written language to help build better futures for or children, and their children, ie The Constitution, Proclamations, etc. Through words, we express emotions, thoughts, ideas. Words can bring people together. Words can tear people apart. Words can be used to encourage people, and  foster hope where there is no hope. They can be used to discourage, and kill the fragile remnants of what was once hope. There is great power in words. There is great beauty in words, but they can also be manipulated into something so dark and so ugly, that they begin to manifest into a form of evil that spreads like a cancer that has been festering. Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become charact...

Yesterday,  I was scrolling through news articles and came across one regarding Maria Sharapova failing a drug test. As I often do, I decided to check out the comments regarding the greatest scandal in all of sports history, because I always find it intriguing to see how many ways people can utilize plausible deniability.  It really is an amazing phenomena to me that so many people can deny all sense of logic in their efforts to justify the wrong doing of people they have put on these pedestals as their symbols of greatness. Not to be remiss in providing a basis for my opinion,  I will point out, what I view, as what should be obvious, logical, common sense facts. Fact one: Sharapova states her family physician as been prescribing Meldonium for ten years because her family has a predisposition for diabetes. What kind of Martin Shkreli logic is that? You don't treat ppatients for illnesses they don't have because their family has a predisposition for that illness. How ma...

I can't say I am the biggest Beyonce fan. Sure, I like some of her music, and I respect the fact that she works hard, but that is about the extent of it. I think she is human,  just like the rest of us, with maybe a tad bit too much exposure. Well, recently, Beyonce stunned the world,  yet again, by releasing another surprise single titled Formation. It is a very visually creative piece that possesses quite a few social undertones. Now whether people are stans, simply fans, or not a fan at all,  the video certainly has people talking. And as with pretty much most of today's race related topics, the issue of blacks seperating themselves has become a subject of conversation. Also, there are some who question the timing and the motivation of the video. There are those who think it is just another calculated business move. There are some who praise it for touching on areas that are greatly in need of social change. Regardless of intent, there is a deep message in the vi...