0812

With the news of the passing of Robin Williams comes a ubiquitous irony for me as I struggle with my own demons. While I know in my head it is sad, I also understand all too well the why and how. It has only been a few days since I took the LOA paperwork from my manager for my trip, for lack of a better word. Don't misunderstood. I feel deeply for his family and friends and their loss. Somewhere along the way, however, I lost that ability to be, as people say, "thankful to have awakened in the morning." I laugh at that because Heaven and eternity in peace with our Lord Saviour is supposed to be the ultimate reward. If that is the case, what is so great about waking up another day. Let's face it; this world is full of cruel, ugly, uncaring, insensitive, selfish people. I see little beauty and little hope left. I watched a show the other day and although it is fictional, one saying stuck with me. "God doesn't want us to be happy. He wants us to be strong." I have to wonder if that isn't true. Maybe this is the very messed up part of my brain affected by the Narcolepsy. I don't know. I have to wonder how I am to keep fighting something that, by technicality, is a part of my physiological makeup. In all honesty, I only fight now because of my babies.
I would pray but I am all prayed out for myself. Maybe there is a little fight left, but I don't have the desire to dig for it. I have to take care of my children though, first and foremost, so I guess I just see how it plays out.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Narcolepsy: Idiocy vs Actuality

Today I was reading an article that a very special person took the time out of her life for. She took the time to let strangers see what it is like for her everyday living with Narcolepsy. It was not something she had to do but something she wanted to do in an effort to increase awareness.  Being PWN's, (persons with Narcolepsy ) we already know there is a stigma attached to the disease.  Yes, it is officially classified as an auto-immunological disease as well as a neurological disorder.  I digress.  Anyhow, after getting my official diagnosis,  I began hearing all the want to be doctors give their assessments and opinions of what I needed to do and I just brushed it off. Reading some of the comments that I read this evening though were just on a whole other level, especially coming from complete strangers, so I am going to clarify some things. Where should I begin? I think I will start with weight gain. Most PWN do not gain weight because they are too lazy t...
Read more

Formation Represents Self Recognition

I can't say I am the biggest Beyonce fan. Sure, I like some of her music, and I respect the fact that she works hard, but that is about the extent of it. I think she is human,  just like the rest of us, with maybe a tad bit too much exposure. Well, recently, Beyonce stunned the world,  yet again, by releasing another surprise single titled Formation. It is a very visually creative piece that possesses quite a few social undertones. Now whether people are stans, simply fans, or not a fan at all,  the video certainly has people talking. And as with pretty much most of today's race related topics, the issue of blacks seperating themselves has become a subject of conversation. Also, there are some who question the timing and the motivation of the video. There are those who think it is just another calculated business move. There are some who praise it for touching on areas that are greatly in need of social change. Regardless of intent, there is a deep message in the vi...
Read more

I Will Not Apologize

People get upset when I say that they can't possibly understand what it is like to live with a chronic illness unless you share that illness. They don't always understand that reading about and researching it isn't the same as living it. People don't understand that Narcolepsy and Cataplexy are a part of me and and they dictate, not me, a lot of my responses. I can see how it might be hard to understand that I am not brushing off or ignoring situations because I don't respond the way I should. I get that it is hard to comprehend that my seemingly lack if emotion is a necessity for me to make it through. It is as automatic to me as breathing and it us NOT going to change. Narcolepsy is an awful illness but coupled with Cataplexy, it can be almost unbearable if you don't make some unnatural adjustments. I can't show you what it feels like. If you don't have it, all I can do is try to give you a glimpse. Imagine if every time someone at work frustrated yo...
Read more