Thoughts of a Narcoleptic Mind

I love the way people keep telling me to go back to work. Yes, go get a job I can't because I stopped working by choice. Go back to work because I didn't practically torture myself to keep working for the last couple of years despite my neurologist and pcp's advisement? Go back to work in spite of the horrible attacks two to three times a day that hold your body hostage so you can do nothing but lie there and pray they end soon? Go back to work so I can give the social security administration another reason to deny the case I have been fighting three years for? Go back to work to deal with the devastating cognitive impairment, automatic behavior, not remembering what I did or said two seconds ago and hoping it wasn't something that could get me fired? Go back to work until my body starts fighting me back again to the point where I fall in the middle of crossing a street or expressway and have to force myself to make it across before that oncoming traffic starts coming? ...

Do you know someone with Narcolepsy / Cataplexy and don't realize it? Here are some things to look for. Narcolepsy: fragmented sleep, irresistible urges to sleep, waking up from sleep feeling unrefreshed, sleep paralysis, vivid dreams, automatic behavior,  falling asleep at inopportune times, diminished cognitive thinking skills, hallucinations, lucid dreaming, going into dream state within a matter of seconds, ie: I can nod off for a few seconds and have a complete dream that seems like I slept hours. Cataplexy: Partal to complete loss of muscle tone, slurred speech, dropping items. Cataplexy attack may be confused with epileptic seizures. If the person is fully aware of what is going on around them, while seeming to be unconscious, it is very possibly Cataplexy. Also, if the pupils look like a pin point as opposed to enlarging or dilating (as with epilepsy) it could be a Cataplexy attack. The average time to get a correct diagnosis is ten to fifteen years. Many people with Nar...

I will not conform, be relegated to what is considered to be the norm to be accepted  fit into what's appropriate,  proper or popular because if you are not appropriate,  proper or popular you run a risk of being rejected I will not let my uniqueness be stripped away, let the brightness of my colors be dulled to gray because you fear the brightness of my colors will outshine and bring to light the majestic glory of the queen that God put me on this earth to be I was not meant to fit in be blended in, just so I could assimilate or adapt your more socially acceptable traits I am a copy of no one I am an original and as such I don't need your acceptance I am more than capable enough to blow my own horn I don't need validation of my beauty, my worth, my strengths I don't need magazines,  videos or fashion shows to tell me how I should wear my hair, what to think or how to choose my wardrobe because my true value, my unprecedented worth comes from deep inside myself ,...

People get upset when I say that they can't possibly understand what it is like to live with a chronic illness unless you share that illness. They don't always understand that reading about and researching it isn't the same as living it. People don't understand that Narcolepsy and Cataplexy are a part of me and and they dictate, not me, a lot of my responses. I can see how it might be hard to understand that I am not brushing off or ignoring situations because I don't respond the way I should. I get that it is hard to comprehend that my seemingly lack if emotion is a necessity for me to make it through. It is as automatic to me as breathing and it us NOT going to change. Narcolepsy is an awful illness but coupled with Cataplexy, it can be almost unbearable if you don't make some unnatural adjustments. I can't show you what it feels like. If you don't have it, all I can do is try to give you a glimpse. Imagine if every time someone at work frustrated yo...

In the midst of the storm when it seems the rains will never end When you feel your prayers are going unanswered That you will never triumph because you are constantly battling an unbeatable opponent compelling you to sink into the dark oblivion Remember to take a look around you because even after every storm something beautiful will grow With each rain comes a purification, a washing away, a cleansing that takes place It is a wonderous part of Nature's rebirthing Each drop of water it brings posseses in itself intrinsic value to keep nature's rivers aflow Just as every storm must have an ending each trial will  cease as well As each battle approaches its conclusion  that inner strength you forgot you had will begin to ascend again rising in you like  unconquerable warrior who knows no defeat who has triumphed through the very depths of hell Every storm has it's purpose Every trial serves for and ultimate design There is no such thing as hopeless Each battle just m...

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May 5, 2015 I looked out my patio window after reading the thousandth time Obama is the Antichrist and dragging our country to hell. So far everything still seems intact. I didn't see any soul sucking demons or blood thirsty zombies in the streets. I didn't see me city turned into what looks like a Mad Max themed landscape. There don't seem to be militia lined from street to street.Obama has been in office since 2008. I think it is safe to say he is not the Antichrist.